Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
