saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
