shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can Purell be used as lube?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
