And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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