I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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