So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
