So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
