Cold hands, warm shart.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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