wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
