just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
