I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
