wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
