Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
