Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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