dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
