Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
