My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
