i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
