If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
