I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
