no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
