I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
