The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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