God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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