Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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