Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
