i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
