HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
