oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
