there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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