She said her name was "party"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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