i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
