the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
