my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
