i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
