the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
