your room smells of hookers.
And success
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
