I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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