i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
