I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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