Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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