I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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