between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
