Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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