That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
