he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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