Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
