a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love having hate sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
