I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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