Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
