I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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