***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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