i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
