i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
