she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
