went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
