It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
