Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
