This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i believe in u and ur pee
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
