He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
