dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
