That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
