he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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